Jewish Observances and Traditions FAQs
Jewish funeral practices are rooted in the respect for the dead, from time of death through burial. While practices may differ due to the level of observance, geography, synagogue, and/or individuals overseeing the service, the following are rituals, customs and traditions that may be abided by:
Every attempt is made to schedule the funeral as soon as possible after the death. The exceptions are Shabbat, Jewish holidays or if family members need time to travel.
A Jewish funeral has profound religious significance, therefore ostentation is avoided. The dress and deportment of the attendees reflects the solemnity of the occasion.
The idea of ashes to ashes and dust to dust influences burial and casket choice. In keeping with the belief that burial should be in the earth, caskets are generally made of soft wood with no metal parts, so they can decompose quickly. As well, there is traditionally no embalming of the body according to Jewish law.
Judaism considers it disrespectful to the deceased to have an open casket except for identification purposes.
Customarily, the funeral begins at a synagogue or funeral home followed by a procession to the cemetery. It is considered a charitable act (mitzvah) to accompany the casket to the cemetery. Some may choose chose to only have a graveside service.
The service includes a mix of prayers, readings, and eulogies about the deceased
The funeral is the official start of the mourning period.
It is tradition to have the pall bearers help move the casket from the hearse and escort it to the grave. Depending on the level of observance and practices, the pall bearers may pause seven times between the hearse and the grave.
After the casket reaches the grave, it is set on a device that either holds it in place for prayers to be recited or it is immediately lowered. The order is determined by a number of factors including family preferences, local tradition, and/or the individual presiding over the ceremony’s direction. There are often poems and prayers read that relate to love, family, and life.
The Mourners Kaddish: Traditionally, this prayer is recited at the graveside for the first time by mourners.
Covering the casket with earth (dirt): Upon conclusion of the burial service the mourners and attendees at the cemetery help to cover the grave. The amount of dirt placed on the casket by individuals may vary. Jewish tradition considered this a hesed shel emet– an act of true loving kindness- and the last kindness we can extend as there is no reciprocal favor we can expect from the deceased. It is customary not to hand the shovels from one person to another, as to not hand sadness to others. The shovels are placed on the ground with the opening facing downward to indicate that all life eventually ends.
Eating and drinking are prohibited in the cemetery.
As a matter of respect, one must take care not to step on any of the graves in the cemetery.
The tearing of the outer garnet or a black ribbon worn by immediate mourners, symbolizing the tearing of the heart mourners feel at times of loss. When one is mourning for their parents, k’riah is performed on the left side, over the heart. When mourning for children, siblings, and spouses, it is on the right side. The mourner wears the torn garment on which he or she performed the k’riah throughout the Shivah (mourning period).
The first meal eaten by the mourners when they return home from the funeral is called the Seudat Havra-ah, the meal of recovery or condolence. It is a meal for immediate family members and is not a public condolence event. At this meal mourners are not allowed to eat from their own food. This meal is usually provided by friends, neighbors, or a synagogue committee. The meal generally includes hard-boiled eggs (which symbolize the potentiality of renewal) or other round objects symbolizing the wheel of life, continuity, and the need to move on.
The first, most intense stage of mourning is called shiva. In Hebrew the word shiva means “seven” and as is the seven-day mourning period for the immediate family of the deceased.
Shiva begins immediately after the burial. The mourners are cut off from the normal routine of their lives which death has interrupted. A shiva candle is lit when the mourners arrive home from the burial and is allowed to burn for the entire shiva period. Customarily, the mourners sit on low stools instead of regular chairs. It is also custom to cover the mirrors in the house of mourning. Among other things mourners refrain from working or reading, leaving the house, wearing leather shoes or jewelry, and listening to music. Traditional prayer services are usually held in the morning and afternoon.
It is customary to wash one’s hands upon returning from the cemetery. A pitcher of water, a basin and towels maybe set by the entrance of the house of shiva. It is proper to pour water three times over each hand (altering hands each time) in order to focus on life.
It is a great kindness to visit a mourner, especially during the period of shiva. Just walk in since all are invited to comfort the mourners. People may not greet or be greeted by a mourner. A visitor may not begin to speak but should sit silently until the mourner begins. One of the most powerful ways to comfort the mourners is to encourage them to remember the deceased. The topic of conversation should therefore be about the merits of the deceased. Be considerate, do not overstay your visit.
Upon leaving it is customary to say, “May Hashem (g-d) comfort you among the mourners of Zion” or “May his/her memory be a blessing”.
Unlike many other faiths and cultures, flowers are not typically part of the Jewish mourning tradition. Flowers like the body are ephemeral and temporary. What counts in the next life is the lasting impact we had on the world.
A great honor is paid to the deceased by making a donation to charity in their name. The giving of donations is an essential part of Jewish tradition because donations can make a lasting impact. If the deceased felt close to a specific charity it is preferred to donate to that fund.
Food and shiva baskets are ways for visitors to provide food to families during their time of mourning. A cooked meal after shiva is over will also be appreciated.
A common practice is to plant a tree in Israel in memory of the deceased. Planting trees is a way of acknowledging that the life cycle continues. Some mourners make trips to spend time in the parks that are home to these threes.
In ancient times before gravestones people marked a burial with a mound of stones. As weather eroded the stones visitors would replenish the mound with new stones. The current practice of placing small stones on a grave is to remind the dead that the living has not forgotten them. Unlike flowers, a stone will not die and symbolizes the permanence of memory and legacy. It is a symbol of the lasting presence of the deceased’s life and memory.
Only inscriptions that honor and respect the deceased will be accepted.
